It's Kind of a Funny Story
by fugacior
Summary: "Every person needs to have a gay experience at least once in a lifetime." —The Gay Theory. It drove them crazy, and they needed to get over it by doing it. JeanEren, college AU.


"Have you ever had any gay experience?"

"Huh?"

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**It's Kind of a Funny Story**

**Shingeki No Kyojin © Isayama Hajime**

**Warnings: OOC; AU; typo(s) galore; JeanEre, implied JeanYmir, EreMika, EreAnnie, YmirChrista and LeviMika; sitcom language**

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It wasn't the normal day when Eren asked Jean about something related to those kind of stuff. Sure, they often bickered and called each other names, especially about which one of them is gayer than the other. Years had passed, and both of them were stuck together as roommates in college. Eren took a degree in teaching, while Jean pursued his dream to be a screenwriter. At first they couldn't believe how faith decided to bring them together again; the fights and quarrels returned, but not as much as what they used to do.

"I don't know, man, it's just seem kind of... bugging my mind at the moment," the brunette heavily sighed. "I mean, have you ever talked about it with Ymir when you dated her, or..."

"Are you kidding? Her business is her business, even though if it's just mere _gay_ business, or whatever..." A strike of blush appeared on Jean's cheeks. It had been a month since Ymir broke him up because she was unsure of her feelings, saying that she "needs to redeem something about her relationship with Christa". They did have a really long history—dates ended with make-out sessions, including some which Ymir used him as her beard before she openly admitted that she was gay; sending each other sexts; flirting each other accidentally on purpose, as the relationship went on and off. Ever since college, they had never really met each other.

The taller man clicked his tongue. "Are you in some kind of phase where you questioned your sexuality because of other people's influences? Dude, you nailed two relationships with two of the hottest chicks back in high school, how come you're so sure about being gay and stuff?"

"It's not like I wanted to... swing that way, y'know. I'm just wondering."

The two ladies Jean implied were Mikasa and Annie. At first, Annie and Eren went out, but they ended their relationship after nine months due to his changing feelings for Mikasa. Unbeknownst to him, Mikasa too had feelings for him, as she reciprocated it back. They soon split because of the long distance relationship. Mikasa was admitted to a prestigious university out of town along with Armin, and both of them were living together in an apartment downtown. She also took a degree in teaching, while Armin sought his chances in biotechnology science. They still contacted each other, the last thing she ever told him was she was seeing a graduate in teaching and thought that she might have had a shot with him. She also promised to introduce him to Eren after she got to know him better.

"Look, the point is, I'm not planning to change who I am or who I want to be. I'm just really curious and confused." Eren shook his head and rubbed his temples. "Even though Armin admits that he's gay and I'm happy that he's proud of it, at least, uh... I'm trying to—how do they say it—open up to new experiences, like..."

"Like having a gay experience with some guy?" Jean cut him. "To be honest, I've never even really had this 'gay experience' that you're talking. At least I started to think of it after I heard a theory."

"What theory?"

"Did anyone ever tell you about..." The beige haired man hesitated, he went closer to Eren and whispered. "... about 'The Gay Theory'? It says that every person should have at least one gay experience of their lives, or something like that, whatever. It's a part of thrills that you might encounter in your life, who knows? Someday someone might run into you at a gay bar and it's Sitcom Gays Night, and..."

"Whoa, whoa, what are you even talking?"

Jean sighed. "Look, what if someday... just, just imagine this, okay? Armin takes you out in a bar and both of you have a drink. He starts to ramble about how his relationship with this guy—who reminds him of you a lot, actually—ends and how he doesn't understand why. And then he cries and mourns about how he shouldn't have been gay all along and as his wingman, you lend him a shoulder to cry on—"

"Jean, I don't know what you're trying to—"

"—and BAM! He drinks too much and he wants to kiss you, calling you by the name of his douchey ex-boyfriend who doesn't deserve him despite him being the sweetest guy ever, also the fact that he cooks and has five dogs in his home at the suburbs! How does that make you feel, huh?! W-What if you have the urge to kiss him back and suddenly... Suddenly, you're just..."

Eren raised his eyebrows when Jean couldn't continue his sentence. He asked warily, "Are you saying that you're expecting me to be gay with Armin, and that I should have had a gay experience with him at least?" He let out a short laugh of incredulity, and snorted. "That would never happen in a million years! He's my best friend, and how are you gonna expect me to just suddenly kiss him for no reason? Even if I had a gay experience, it would never involve him any—"

"Just kiss me right now, okay?!"

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"A-Are you even serious?!"

The emerald eyed guy was startled at his roommate's sudden outburst. He stared at Jean, who had no doubts on his face after what he just said. His tongue felt numb, he couldn't speak of anything to deny furthmore. Questions started to pile up on his head, and he regretted that he brought the gay thing up.

"You're damn right I am!" Jean shouted. "Look, this is all your fault for bringing it up after all, and thanks to you, I can't get over this stupid theory!"

Eren gulped. He smiled nervously, putting his hands on Jean's shoulders. "Sorry about that, man... I think we should just get along and forget about this, you're talking nonsense... right?"

"No." Jean refused. He shrugged off Eren's hands. "If you want to make it up to me, we have to do this."

But the brunette couldn't even move his body properly. He was sitting there, eyeing Jean like some sort of an ambiguous creature. Jean folded his arms, waiting for Eren to make a move. "I will make your life miserable if you don't kiss me. Think of how we would make up the theory, for both of us. Besides, you don't get to do it with Armin after all."

"Yeah, but that doesn't mean I get to do it with _you_! I would rather do it with Armin!"

Without a warning, Jean moved his face closer to Eren's, so they could feel each other's breaths. He said—more likely growled—to him in a low voice, "Gamma Delta Phi party. I can get both of us into it as long as we're gonna rock the house, tonight. I know you're _dying_ to go to a frat house's party and even though they might think we're kind of gay since we did showtunes back in high school, I swear to God I will never talk about this incident ever to anyone, not even Marco. As long as you do this for me, for both of us, or I will solemnly tell everyone in the campus that you're gay as a rainbow unicorn, do you get me?"

He retreated from his position to give Eren some time to start. He was lucky enough to pull off his wild card to lure him—being a self-proclaimed badass who knows how to get along and have fun with people earned him a spot in the social circle of the crazy college life. He crashed himself into a lot of parties and might as well got to know some cool people who he claimed as his 'boys'. Not to mention the girls, which he thought of them as 'way hotter, but not as hot as Ymir or Mikasa'. He wouldn't mind bringing Eren to the party, but he preferred to use his golden ticket to fun as a game so he could take advantage of Eren some time later. Good thing the timing was perfect.

Eren bit his lower lip. He was very tempted by Jean's offer, being invited at a fraternity's party—moreover the campus's well-known fraternity house—and to blow the speakers off there as well as having the time of his life was an inevitable honor that he wouldn't want to miss. He only needed to give Jean a kiss, even though it wouldn't take long but it was worth his dignity as a man who never had any kind of gay experience ever, and to have it for the very first time with his friend who shared a frenemy bond with him over the years made it even better or even worse.

"If this were high school, I would never give this chance to you, you know."

"I know."

Finally, Eren moved himself a little bit closer to Jean. His heart thumped hard, he could feel himself trembling. Jean tried to stay at his place and holding himself not to pull Eren to him just to get the kiss immediately. He wanted it to be perfect and not forceful so he persuaded his mind to keep calm and let himself go. Their faces were almost intimate, their emerald and grey orbs met. Eren wanted to look away, but he mustn't, and he couldn't. The same went for Jean either.

_Come on, Eren, you can do this!_ He convinced himself. _Think of him as Mikasa. Imagine the oriental beauty right in front of you, just like the first time you kissed her. It felt beautiful, didn't it? Or maybe Annie. You gotta admit that she's a really good kisser despite she's a cold-hearted ice queen. Just like the times in the Celibacy Club's post-meetings at her house—goddamnit, you got the hottest girls right in front of this bastard who had no hope with them and now you couldn't prove him that you can kiss him?_

"Just a little bit more, Eren," Jean whispered to him in a sultry voice, as if he could read his mind. "You can do it."

_How am I supposed to do it if you talked just like that?! Oh, fuck it._

Eren shut his eyes and leaned forward. He immediately crashed his lips against Jean's, not thinking about anything when he did it. He even didn't deny all sensations running through his body when the latter kissed him back. The kiss got a little deeper as they wrestled their tongues. Jean didn't even realize when his right hand caressed Eren's hair, as he almost pinned Eren to the wall. He licked Eren's upper lip and got his tongue bit by the boy in front of him as a respond. They used a second to catch their breaths and then they went back locking lips.

Jean was surprised at Eren's guts, he thought that the boy would never wanted to since he would still hate him for asking a foolish request just because he couldn't get over some dumb theory. But it worked, and he didn't know whether he should be happy or scared that he got his chance to overthrow his manliness away just to get himself a kiss from _Eren Jaeger_.

_No wonder Mikasa and Annie loved this guy. I hate to say this, but it felt nice._

The thirty seven second kiss went longer than they expected. They split themselves away, and attempted to hide the blushes on their faces from each other. They turned their backs away, not speaking about how it felt. It had been going over for ten minutes of silence, until Jean spurted, "You're not bad at all. I like it." Eren could feel the heat burned at the sides of his face, as he murmured, "Thanks. You too."

They faced each other five minutes later. It was a bit difficult for them to see each other after it happened, but they managed to speak their minds. "Thanks a lot, man. I thought you would still hold on to yourself and I wouldn't have a shot to do it with you... you know." Jean started. Eren added, "Yeah, well, congratulations. It worked on me. I would do _anything_ to get into the party, and I guess it's time I need to sacrifice my dignity as a straight man to kiss you. And I just can't believe I kissed a guy who commenced a slushie war back in high school. At least it's better than having corn syrup in my eye."

Both of them laughed. "Old times worth remembering, huh, Jaeger?" Jean uttered, followed by Eren's nod in agreement. "Yeah, thinking about all of those stupid fights we had, it's just not worth it rather than we have now. I said to myself in a million times that I would never even want to be your friend, but karma seems to give the words back to me."

"Me too."

They stopped laughing for a moment. For awhile, they weren't able to get over the kiss, and even though it would be awkward, they wanted to feel it. Jean touched his lips, he imagined how it brushed against Eren's. He assumed that it turned out bad, and chances of luck he might never think that he would do it again. But karma, as Eren said, turned all the hate that he had whenever it comes to dealing with Eren and now his mind was trying to tell him that it's not such a bad idea to kiss the brunette once more.

_You've had enough of it, Kirschtein! You already got what you want, don't be an idiot!_

Too bad his tongue slipped as he took the cat out of the bag, "I know it's weird, but I want to kiss you again, if you're okay with it," to which Eren replied with a very bewildered 'huh'. The boy was baffled at the thought of kissing Jean again. He was struggling with the idea among a practical decision based on war of yeses and nos in his head, but he decided it was not the time to think.

"I'm fine. Just go with it."

For a second, Jean wished he could take back the words he just said.

His hand grabbed Eren's jaws, but not in a way that hurt Eren's cheeks. Their stares implied a communication between them, sort of like asking each other if they were ready or not to do it again. Jean didn't really care if his mind thought that it would be a very bad idea, but at the same time it encountered an idea that it's worth another shot. He kissed a lot of girls, but the kiss that he shared with Eren was almost as good at the best kisses he had with Ymir. Meanwhile, Eren hoped he would get butterflies on his stomach just like the last time. His heart beat so hard, his chest hurt. He was nervous about what might happened to him after the kiss, as he wished that he will not turn himself gay just because he made out with Jean.

Both closed their eyes and—

_SCREECH._

"Hey, guys! You're all invited to the Gamma Delta Phi party, congratula—"

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They opened their eyes to see the person who was at the door.

Connie, who lived two doors next to them, was having a very unusual sight of his life. He didn't mind gays at all—he never hated them nor afraid of them. He once had a double date with the openly gay Armin, with a pair of siblings who happened to be his neighbours in his hometown, and it was a splendid time. As a person who used to work for the school paper, he was pretty good at getting informations and asking questions. Even for himself he often encountered with a series of random query: 'What if I were gay? What kind of guy that appeals me? Will I ever be comfortable with it?' and anything revolved around it.

Until today, something happened. Two of the straightest guys that he had ever known, trying to kiss each other as he walked at their door to deliver the good news that he just received from the president of the fraternity. The roommates were looking at Connie, flustered and horrified. They immediately backed off from each other as they stammered.

"L-Look, it's not like what you think!"

"Connie, we can explain!"

"Please don't tell anyone about this!"

"This isn't what it looks like, okay? Just, just forget about it!"

_Looks like Bert and Ernie aren't just roommates after all._

"... I didn't know you have such private moment together." Connie slowly retreated. He covered his mouth with his hand and headed out from the room. "If you excuse me..."

And then he took off in high speed, bursting out in laughter. He couldn't wait to tell everyone about what he just saw. He could imagine all the shocked faces of his old friends when they heard that Eren Jaeger and Jean Kirschtein tried to kiss, especially Reiner, who often described their relationship as "two guys who emit a spark of sexual tension between each other". Jean and Eren chased him off at the dorm halls to stop him. They yelled at him, swearing that they would kill him after they caught him, before thanking him for getting the invitations to the Gamma Delta Phi party.

"Eren and Jean sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G!"

"COME HERE, YOU SOCCER BALL HEAD BASTARD!"

"WE'RE GOING TO SHUT YOUR LITTLE TROUT MOUTH FOR GOOD!"

**fin.**

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**A/N**: The setting is inspired from Lima University, heavily based on Sweet Dreams (the episode when Finn decided to go to college). Of course, there were obvious ones too—slushie war, showtunes, the Celibacy Club. JeanEren needs some love, everyone. And heterosexual Ymir too. By the way, the graduate referred above is actually Levi, but I guess you can consider anyone else for it.

I actually made The Gay Theory up, but if there's any quote or theory similar, I have no intentions to copy any matter of it.

Sorry if all of this sounds so wrong. Any review would be highly appreciated.


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